Dear Father,
Ever sice I was little I was always told that everything happens for a reason, that everything is beautiful in the right time. I believe that everything that has happened in my life is what makes me me. My real father left mom, my sisters and I many years ago, and because of that, I grew up strong-willed and overprotective to my family. I grew up fatherless. Remember me saying "Jesus is my father"? That was what kept me strong all this time. A few years later, Mom married with a Dane and for the very first time in my whole life, I remember calling someone Daddy. It felt weird. I, who used to one parent suddenly have two. That is why I couldn't really be very open to him. Having a father figure wasn't bad at all. I suddenly got the chance to understand what it feels to feel secured. I lost my guard and became too relaxed with what I had and now, three years later, here I am, in the same house, minus a father. Yes, he is gone, moved outta the house.
What am I feeling now? I don't know. I don't know what kind of feelings these are. I never experienced them before, not from what I could remember. I was so little when my real dad left me so I didn't remember what it felt like. But this time.. Sometimes my heart throbs at night and tears would run down through my cheeks. I don't understand. We weren't even close when he was still in the house, esp. since I got back from boarding school. I always locked myself in my room because my parents would always fight. Suddely he opened all his cards, saying that he has this woman he is going to live with once he moves outta the house and he's been in contact with her for months. I was crushed when I heard that, but Mom was crushed more. He was the first man she has ever really loved. My heart was so crushed but I collected all the pieces together and pretended like nothing happened. It was tough.
He thinks that I still can't accept the fact that mom and he are not together anymore. No, it's not that. The truest truth is that I still grieve over the loss of family I once could only dream about: a mom, a dad, sisters and a brother. Well, I guess when life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
Father, I wonder how would You answer to this? Why do this have to happen to us? Why my mom? I am so blinded with sadness that I can't even think clearly right now. However, I will patiently wait for Your answer because I know You will answer, in a way I can't predict. I entrust this to You. I believe in You.
xiaozhi
Ever sice I was little I was always told that everything happens for a reason, that everything is beautiful in the right time. I believe that everything that has happened in my life is what makes me me. My real father left mom, my sisters and I many years ago, and because of that, I grew up strong-willed and overprotective to my family. I grew up fatherless. Remember me saying "Jesus is my father"? That was what kept me strong all this time. A few years later, Mom married with a Dane and for the very first time in my whole life, I remember calling someone Daddy. It felt weird. I, who used to one parent suddenly have two. That is why I couldn't really be very open to him. Having a father figure wasn't bad at all. I suddenly got the chance to understand what it feels to feel secured. I lost my guard and became too relaxed with what I had and now, three years later, here I am, in the same house, minus a father. Yes, he is gone, moved outta the house.
What am I feeling now? I don't know. I don't know what kind of feelings these are. I never experienced them before, not from what I could remember. I was so little when my real dad left me so I didn't remember what it felt like. But this time.. Sometimes my heart throbs at night and tears would run down through my cheeks. I don't understand. We weren't even close when he was still in the house, esp. since I got back from boarding school. I always locked myself in my room because my parents would always fight. Suddely he opened all his cards, saying that he has this woman he is going to live with once he moves outta the house and he's been in contact with her for months. I was crushed when I heard that, but Mom was crushed more. He was the first man she has ever really loved. My heart was so crushed but I collected all the pieces together and pretended like nothing happened. It was tough.
He thinks that I still can't accept the fact that mom and he are not together anymore. No, it's not that. The truest truth is that I still grieve over the loss of family I once could only dream about: a mom, a dad, sisters and a brother. Well, I guess when life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
Father, I wonder how would You answer to this? Why do this have to happen to us? Why my mom? I am so blinded with sadness that I can't even think clearly right now. However, I will patiently wait for Your answer because I know You will answer, in a way I can't predict. I entrust this to You. I believe in You.
xiaozhi
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