1. "Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world."
I see this as something everyone should abide by, regardless of gender and relationship status. Respect and listening-- and I mean listening, not nodding your head without paying attention-- is necessary.
2. "Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fine," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours."
Completely true. If I have to say "I'm fine," the situation is not good. And I totally picked up the free loading drinks and meals up from my mother.
3. "Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal."
Sometimes the time of the month makes us insane-- not often, but every once in a while. Like the author says, don't take it personally, just go with the flow. I'll apologize when it blows over.
4. "Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them."
This one is pretty silly. Some girls like them, some don't. I don't need you to appreciate my lovely manicure, I just don't want you to tell me it's a waste of money (even though they really are). Just repay the favor and make sure your nails aren't gross.
5. "Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark."
This might seem a little extreme, but I think it's true. It's an ongoing annoyance that my SO rarely tells me I look good, even though I know he does. I know I'm cute and I will dress up especially nice for you, so please notice and let me know you notice. People tend to remember the bad comments more than the good, so it does take work to make up for unintentionally hurtful words.
6. "I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it."
Wait, what? Maybe if you told me that you loved me a week ago? I might remember the day or what we were doing, but probably not what you were wearing. And I don't want you to remember.
7. "I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know football.)"
Oh, psh. My rule is say it only when you are sure and it's served me pretty well.
8. "Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love."
WHAT? Give me a fucking break. Women aren't complete opposites of men and I doubt many of us decide to throw away all memories of previous sexing just because we change partners. A romantic? Sure. But not delusional.
9. "I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see Secret 8."
If the number isn't big why lie? Even if it is, women shouldn't be ashamed of it.
10. "I read your horoscope every day."
I think this classifies as weird stalker behavior unless you are in sixth grade.
11." I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us Mr. and Mrs."
Depending on how in love you are, or if you dream of getting hitched eventually, sure. If not, it can be a little uncomfortable.
12. "Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while."
Yes. That is all.
13. "Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that."
I might share some things with friends, like anything that really stood out (the mindblowing or the hilariously awful), but I don't give her a detailed report or let her know our schedule or anything.
14. "Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours."
I think it's great to find a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously and has a good sense of humor. That said, it this isn't likely the trait that will make me fall in love with you-- it's more like a requirement!
15. "A little jealousy is good if (a) no kneecaps are broken and (b) you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it's even flattering."
True, early on at least. But after you have been committed for a long time, I'd rather not deal with that game-- trust!
16. "I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that."
Yeah, you lost me with the second sentence-- what? Anyway, sometime you just don't want to screw, end of story. Also, I'm probably not withholding sex as a punishment, unless you've pissed me off and I don't want to give in to having makeup sex.
17. "I can, will, and do fake it. Like when Gossip Girl is starting. Would you rather I fake a headache?"
This may have happened before, but I assure you it was not for Gossip Girl. However, I would rather wait to mess around after my favorite show-- why rush one good thing for another?
18. "I love sex. With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is filthier than you might think."
True. Unless your girlfriend is the candid type, you probably have no idea why sex crazed our thoughts can get. (I have no idea how I go anything done last semester because my mind was usually thinking about my long distance boyfriend and his long distance body parts.) You also might be surprised to know that quite a few college girls have purchased a happy toy online-- and you probably won't be able to find it either.
19. "You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady from the third floor, suited, reading the business section, DIY-ing . . ."
True. I find my boyfriend incredibly sexy when he is doing the most random things. So, basically all the time.
20. "Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do."
Truth. We want you to just know, which is a little unfair and ridiculous, but still. Don't make me tell you I want compliments or flowers, because then that means the gesture doesn't mean much because I had to ask, you didn't just think of it. Sorry if this is a little crazy.
21. "I'll probably be late—because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason. My reasoning skills are phenomenal!"
True. Well, half true. I want to look good for you, but the reason it takes so long is because I want to look good for myself. It's really more about my standards than yours.
22. "If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had."
So true. I won't do it on purpose, but inevitably my anger and hurt about the situation will resurface often. It will get ugly.
23. "I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's your fantasy. Sincerely sorry."
I get the fantasy. And it will stay a fantasy. But if I make out with a girl, it's because I want to make out with a girl because she's hott (or maybe I'm just really drunk)--not to get you off.
24. "Here's how to fix what you're doing wrong in bed: When you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster."
Not a bad suggestion. Although paying attention to her volume and body language will do more for you. Also, just ask-- we are probably more likely to tell you how we feel about the sexing if you show you want to learn more.
25. "I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with."
I completely agree with the first part. However, I think happiness means different things to different people and you don't need to be with someone to be happy and successful. And the sharing doesn't have to be with one person-- it could be with family, a best friend, a charity, whatever.
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