Dear J,
I am so sorry for what I did. I never planned everything to end this way. It's not you, it's all me.
Remember when we first met? I never expect that we would end up together, you know. To be honest, I expected it to be only a night, but you are so sweet and gentle and before I even knew it, I fell for you. Took me 3 weeks to say I LOVE YOU, and you should know that I truly meant it. You are everything I ever wished in a boyfriend: gentle, sweet, patient, understanding and always treats me like a princess. You are a first guy I truly care of. Never thought I'd care for someone so deeply afer all the bad memories I have with men: my dad and my step dad. The two jerks who left mom for another woman, who know nothing but selfishness and betrayals. You helped me through hard times when my step-dad moved out of the house, leaving mom and us in order to live with another woman. You helped me see things through a whole new perspective. You've done so many great things to me and yet, what did I do to repay your kindness? Nothing but hurting your feelings.
I have no good excuse for what I did and I won't even bother finding one. What I did, making you an option when I know you make me a priority, is wrong. I am sorry. I met M for the first time in October last year. It was only a night. We never had any contact afterwards but the shadow of his existence kept coming back to me. I must admit that I am not over him. I don't understand myself. I thought I could forget him that is why I didn't tell you about my feelings for him. I really did. And I really thought that I was over over him until that night when we went to the Stand-Up Show. He was there with a friend. I couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable having him seeing me with another guy. I am such a b**tch, I know. That night, all my hidden, buried feelings for him came back to surface all in a sudden. That was then when I realized that things between us don't feel right anymore. I never wanted to hurt you, but I just can't forget his exisence deep within my heart. Even though I know he is with someone else right now.
I must confess. I was also bothered by our age gap. 15 years. Never thought it would feel so big. Remember when you take me to have a drink with your collegues? That was then I realized that our worlds don't fit together. No matter how matured I am, I am still an 18 years old inside. I am sorry.
Every day passed by with a deep guilt in my heart. That is why I decided to confess about my feelings to you last night. When you asked about what I want, I thought it would be better if I leave. I don't want to hurt you again. I am so full of guilts and sadness that it feels like my chest would explode any moment. I am sorry. You deserve someone better. Someone not like me.
I am so sorry for what I did. I never planned everything to end this way. It's not you, it's all me.
Remember when we first met? I never expect that we would end up together, you know. To be honest, I expected it to be only a night, but you are so sweet and gentle and before I even knew it, I fell for you. Took me 3 weeks to say I LOVE YOU, and you should know that I truly meant it. You are everything I ever wished in a boyfriend: gentle, sweet, patient, understanding and always treats me like a princess. You are a first guy I truly care of. Never thought I'd care for someone so deeply afer all the bad memories I have with men: my dad and my step dad. The two jerks who left mom for another woman, who know nothing but selfishness and betrayals. You helped me through hard times when my step-dad moved out of the house, leaving mom and us in order to live with another woman. You helped me see things through a whole new perspective. You've done so many great things to me and yet, what did I do to repay your kindness? Nothing but hurting your feelings.
I have no good excuse for what I did and I won't even bother finding one. What I did, making you an option when I know you make me a priority, is wrong. I am sorry. I met M for the first time in October last year. It was only a night. We never had any contact afterwards but the shadow of his existence kept coming back to me. I must admit that I am not over him. I don't understand myself. I thought I could forget him that is why I didn't tell you about my feelings for him. I really did. And I really thought that I was over over him until that night when we went to the Stand-Up Show. He was there with a friend. I couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable having him seeing me with another guy. I am such a b**tch, I know. That night, all my hidden, buried feelings for him came back to surface all in a sudden. That was then when I realized that things between us don't feel right anymore. I never wanted to hurt you, but I just can't forget his exisence deep within my heart. Even though I know he is with someone else right now.
I must confess. I was also bothered by our age gap. 15 years. Never thought it would feel so big. Remember when you take me to have a drink with your collegues? That was then I realized that our worlds don't fit together. No matter how matured I am, I am still an 18 years old inside. I am sorry.
Every day passed by with a deep guilt in my heart. That is why I decided to confess about my feelings to you last night. When you asked about what I want, I thought it would be better if I leave. I don't want to hurt you again. I am so full of guilts and sadness that it feels like my chest would explode any moment. I am sorry. You deserve someone better. Someone not like me.
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